The Owl
by VioletIvoire
Summary: Chapter 1: This is what happens when Director Fury gets too nosy...Chapter 2: Parenting Woes...
1. Oh, the nosiness

The Owl

* * *

 _ **This story may be hard to read through because of what happens to Hermione while she's being tortured** , so please forgive me for that if you can..._

 _I hope I did okay with staying..._ mostly _true to character for everyone...kind of nervous because it's an_ Avengers _crossover!...I just hope you all enjoy the story..._

 _Btw...Fury called me...he growled about how useless I am about obtaining_ him _rights to Marvel's Avengers. So selfish. So Fury and I don't owe anything because I'm a failure...not even the Harry Potter characters * tears *_

* * *

There always seemed to be a slight scent of sweat from the various moods of her co-workers. One minute they could be scrambling to grab their gear and rushing, most of the time frantically, toward their government vehicles. The highly polished floors always covered up most of the scent on the ground floor, but upstairs it was the scent of cleaner, colognes, perfumes, and body washes that covered up the undertone of sweat.

This morning she could hear the frantic activity of the group on her floor, and coming around the corner, she could see a group of them gearing up. She kept her curiosity to herself, she had become rather good at that. She found that the benefits of being quiet, observant, and listening were much greater then pushing for answers, because the asked will mostly likely always be reluctant to share with the asker in her line of work.

Not that she had many opportunities to be an interrogator as an Agent.

"You've a package," her co-worker stated. "It came early this morning." She looked towards the large envelope with small scrawled handwriting that she couldn't read from her vantage point. She took the large yellowed envelope with a murmured 'thank you'. It had deflection spells to prevent those other than witches and wizards from seeing how it actually looked.

"It came in the oddest way," he said before she could turn to leave. She pretended to be slightly curious and waited for him to speak, but really wanted to go to her office and put off opening it for as long as possible. It felt forbidding...though she could detect no dark magic.

"I was eating my usual breakfast, you see-" he started to explain.

"At 5 am," she could help but point out how absurdly early he could get to work sometimes with a slight smile.

"Then an _owl_ of all things, swoops to your door," he continued, ignoring her slight jab. "It left that. I thought I should pick it up before the morning janitors did," he explained.

She didn't know what to say so managed to look properly confused before excusing herself and thanking him again. She could see him trying not to look at her from his office across the hall and cursed the glass wall in front of her, but never minded the one with the view behind her.

The noise from the cubicle area off to their left gradually lessened while she sat staring at the Gringott's envelope with growing trepidation. She never did business with them after leaving behind the wizarding world and hearing from them couldn't be good. She reached out a shaky hand and almost slapped it down with her other for letting her emotions get a hold of her this morning.

'Must be the hormones,' she thought up quickly. She ignored the pompous seal and slowly sliced it open with the letter cutter that was previously in her desk drawer off to the left side.

The parchment had her in tears as she skimmed the tops of each as she separated them from their tri-fold.

 _Guardians upon mine and his mother's death_

 _Minerva McGonagall_

 _Poppy M. Pomphrey_

She had steady tears falling from her eyes after reading that. The last page had her holding back sobs after reading the top _The Last Will and Testament_...

The friends she left behind were precious to her, she refused to imagine losing anyone else.

 _Of Severus Tobias Snape_ had her sobbing. She could only make out one line on the short paragraph and the words had her crying hysterically before she could even comprehend them.

 _Finally, my mind is at rest._

She could hear the frantic scrambling outside her office again, but this time they were scrambling to see what had her in such a fit. She tried to hide under her desk to make it go away.

"Why?" She asked, gasping through her sobs, why did she get his will? "How?" She kept repeating, "How did he know?" She asked as she clung to Phil's lapels as he pulled her out. She couldn't understand him.

She couldn't understand this.

How did he find out about his son?

 _How_ had he even been _alive_?

Her last thoughts before blacking out were that she never got to tell him about Caelum.

O.o.o.O.o.o.O

" _Tell me where you got the sword!" The manic woman screeched before delivering another curse._

 _The pain was never-ending, she felt like she had been there for days, but it was impossible because the mad daemon never stopped with the curses and mind attacks._

 _She didn't know how she managed to deflect those...the mind attacks._

 _It seemed to make the woman madder though, so she figured she should continue doing what she didn't know how to do as she screamed to the world that she DIDN'T KNOW!_

 _She heard_ his _voice between one of the daemon woman's breaths. She wanted to burn with hatred for him, but couldn't stop the relief she felt at his presence._

 _She had been very wrong though._

 _She was warm before she knew she was cold. He was on her while she screamed in silence. The mad cackles, cursing, and rude laughter had her closing her eyes._

" _Don't hide from me!" He hissed. He looked up at him through his sheets of lank hair. She could have sworn his eyes were crying with her._

 _It didn't make sense._

 _Even as he squeezed her cheeks to keep her staring up at him, his grip was not harsh._

 _His subtle signs were a contradiction to his harsh actions._

 _She might have heard him apologising as he finished his torture._

" _She knows nothing you imbecilic woman," he hissed at the daemon woman before leaving._

 _He lied._

 _And he left her with that knowledge intact._

 _Bellatrix still tried to make her confess though, out of malicious glee since she was innocent. She heard her baby's cries though, and it seemed the daemon woman heard too when she smiled maliciously down at her._

" _I'm going to cut him out of you!" She cackled._

"Caelum!" She screamed, nearly toppling herself out of a cot in the hospital wing, but Phil caught her with one arm while the other held his gun. "Caelum!" She screamed louder when she saw that the Director and her fellow agent had their guns ready and pointed at Winky and her son. She threw herself at them to act as a shield.

"What the hell, Agent Dagworth!" The Director exclaimed. She ignored him and plucked her inconsolable son from Winky's arms.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed at the elf, ignoring the other two in the room.

"Winky be sorry!" The elf cried. "Little master Heaven be wanting his mummy. Nothings Winky be doing helping! Winky's being bad elf, disobeying Mistress Mudblood!"

She looked down at her arm and could see the blood soaking through her black blazer and staining Caelum's blankets.

"Mistress says you are good elf," she mumbled, while looking at the elf thankfully. Winky only ever called her mudblood when her arm bled as much as it did now. She never got the cursed carvings to heal and episodes like today, though very rare, made it bleed out this way.

"Explain yourself Dagworth!" The Director ordered. She sighed as she vanished her blazer and looked up at Agent Coulson when he gasped. She didn't dwell on whether it was at the blood staining her long sleeve blouse, or the blatant performance of her wandless magic.

"S'not cure...se-cure," she noticed she was slurring from blood loss. "'ake s 'ome 'ink-y," she managed to say before she felt the tug of the elf's magic transporting them.

"What the hell?" Agent Coulson gasped, as he stumbled to his knees. She tried to glare at the elf for transporting the Director and Phil too.

"Winky," she bit out, but held her tongue because it was her own fault for not being specific with her order. "Blood replenisher, now," she managed to say clearly. "Lock down," she said as large black dots danced in her vision. She could see the two men freaking out over Caelum's manifesting magic in their own ways, and knew Winky would protect Caelum if they decided to get violet.

"You need to explain yourself before I shoot first and ask questions later," The Director barked.

She tried not to roll her eyes while struggling to lift the phial of red liquid Winky placed in her hand. She looked at Phil thankfully when he helped her drink it. He managed to only look faintly surprised when a healthy colour instantly returned to her.

"If you ever discharge that thing in the same room as my son I will kill you if it ends up hurting him," She hissed. She ignored his growl and Phil's slight blush as she took off her ruined blouse and used it as a makeshift bandage.

"As for an explanation," she said slowly. "Winky is my family's house elf. I hired her soon after the war in Britain," she looked up at the Director after finishing up with her arm. "The magical war."

"What the fu-"

"If you would mind not cursing in front of impressionable ears," She hissed, interrupting the Director. She carefully lifted Caelum from the bassinet Winky had apparated him into when they arrived.

"I ordered her to keep out of sight from non-magical eyes," she said. "So my son must have needed me for her to have ignored my order," she continued while rocking him.

"Why wouldn't the hospital be secure?" The Director asked. She took a rounded cone shaped object with a glass top from her pocket and looked relieved.

"It's a sneakoscope," she explained. "A magical device that detects enemies." She looked up at the two from her position on the floor. "It seems you are not my enemy."

"Okay," Phil said. "How does that correlate to the hospital at S.H.I.E.L.D?"

"My first day after signing the standard contracts it started going crazy," she said, looking up at the Director. "You have enemies in that building, masquerading as friends and fellow agents."

"That is a very damning accusation, Agent Dagworth," the Director growled. "Especially since you're new and we don't have very much background information on you. Can you shut that thing up!" He yelled.

"Pardon me," She hissed, her magical crackling around her dangerously. "My _child_ is not a _thing_ , Director Fury." She snapped her fingers and his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. "Learn respect!" She ordered.

He growled and reached for his gun again, but found a cheerful red rose and various other flowers where his secreted weapons would be on his person. Phil could only smile as he drank the offered tea from Winky, and nibbled on the biscuits.

She summoned a phial with purple liquid and diluted it in water in a teacup before dipping her finger into it and placing her finger in her son's mouth. He gradually calmed before letting sleep claim him.

"Please stay with him in the nursey Winky," she said softly.

"Yes, Mistress Miney," the elf nodded vigorously before popping off.

"What happened in this war?" Phil asked carefully. She looked over at him, giving him a wane smile. "You were tortured," he said.

"Yes," she confirmed with a hitch in her voice.

"You were yelling in the hospital wing," he said, while the Director sat hard into a seat and determined to make as much noise as possible while serving himself tea. She tried to ignore the knot in her stomach. "You trusted him," Phil said.

"I-he.." she stuttered while holding back more tears and unconsciously sat far back into the armchair and tried not to curl into herself. She saw when the knowing look flashed in the Director's eyes and he did his best to move slowly, as if to reassure her.

"H-he killed the Headmaster," she started with the easy part. "Headmaster Dumbledore, the head of the Order of the Phoenix. They fought for people like me..." she hesitated, "not to be exterminated. I-I'm a witch...born from non-magical humans. I was Undesirable No. 2 near the end, for not registering with the Muggle-Born Registration Commission. It was only an excuse to place us into a camp so they could 'take back' the magic we stole," she said a little too fiercely.

"Magic cannot be stolen," she said more softly. "It is as vital to a magical human as oxygen. Many of my kind died from the attempted extraction process."

"Why No. 2?" Phil asked. She smiled wryly.

"Because No.1 was my best friend," she said. "He was the King us pawns fought to protect. His ultimate destiny was to destroy a man so dark, it would have had even non-magical people like you destroy each other, like World War II, but on a much bigger scale."

"So you were tortured because he was your friend," Phil said.

"I was tortured because I was expendable, Agent Coulson," she said sharply. "Because I was the smartest of us three. Because I was supposed to be the easiest to break," her voice hitched and her arm throbbed.

"It was cursed," she murmured as she absent-mindedly soothed it. "It'll never heal properly."

"What happened this morning?" Phil asked. Her expression crumbled.

"My son lost h-his f-father," she stuttered.

"And who was his father?" The Director asked, only mildly surprised that he could move his tongue again.

"H-h-he was the Headmaster's murderer," she said with tears.

"You were a spy?" The Director hissed.

" _He_ was the spy," she corrected. "It-he-he came while they were busy with me," she breathed. "I didn't realize through the pain un-until-"

"Stop," Phil ordered softly. "We get it," he said. She only nodded as she wiped the tears away.

"He was a triple agent," she whispered. "He was on our side all along. He _died_ at that last battle. We left him," she the tears started again. "He couldn't possibly have survived having his throat ripped apart. We saw him _die_. How could he have survived that? How? I would have told him about Caelum if I knew. I would have given him a chance he deserved."

"I didn't deserve it, Miss Granger!" She gasped at the nearly solid man before her and screamed. Agent Coulson fired his gun at the man before realising it just went straight through him, and the Director ripped the knife from his Agent's ankle holster before going straight at the man.

"Enough!" The apparition snarled, and they found themselves disarmed. "If my son or Miss Granger were harmed because you two were jumpy I can still make your lives a living hell!" He yelled.

"Is that a threat?" The Director asked.

"It's a promise," he hissed, before turning to his former student. His face softened only slightly. "I thought you were using my heir to your advantage," he confessed. Hermione only managed to look confused.

"Y-you...you're here?" She whispered, slowly backing away from him. "A ghost?" She asked dumbly.

"No," he said softly. "You and my son are holding me to this plain. I cannot move on until you do, Miss Granger," he explained.

"So your body?" She asked.

"Is useless," he hissed. "Let me die in peace!"

"Die?" Hermione asked. "But the goblins...they've owled me y-your...will," she whispered the last word.

"Because I'm not whole," he answered harshly. "This half soul you see is considered dead to them."

"But you said die," she said. "'Let you die in peace,'" she repeated. "Where are you?" She asked harshly. The man flinched.

"You're too smart for your own good," he murmured.

"You will tell me now or so help me I'll never let you go," she threatened. "I'll raise Caelum to never let you go! You'll be stuck with us forever! Till we both die!"

"Please," he whispered, allowing his emotions to show. "Let me rest," he pleaded. Hermione couldn't stop the tears.

"B-but...Caelum needs you," she sobbed.

"He has you," he countered. "He doesn't need a temperamental fool like me to teach him how to be led around by his nose!" He hissed suddenly angry. She could only shake her head.

"He needs a father like you to show him how to be loyal," she defended. "How to be brave!"

"Me!" He yelled. "I sold my best friend to the Dark Lord! My only friend! He killed her and nearly killed your best friend!" He ranted. "I killed Albus! A man who-"

"He asked it of you," Hermione interjected. "He made you take an unbreakable vow to do what Malfoy couldn't! You have been nothing but loyal to the Order," she hissed, and waved her wand at him.

"What. Did. You. Do?" He hissed, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. The two men tried to stop him, but he wasn't solid.

"You're grounded," she said, holding onto his arms. "You're anchored to me temporarily."

"No!" He hissed.

"You cannot hurt me," she mumbled as she turned toward her bookshelf.

"What are you doing with that book?" He asked in surprise. Hermione ignored him. "Stop her," he hissed at the men. "That's a dark book! It's dark magic Miss Granger," he tried to extricate the book from her hands, but she bound him and the other two.

"Winky bring Caelum," she ordered, ignoring the Professor as he struggled. "Just a drop," she mumbled, pricking her son's foot to collect the blood, and healed it. He twitched and scrunched up his face as if to cry, but she kissed him and hummed. "Take him back to the nursery and stay with him," she ordered the elf again.

She leaned over her former Professor, looking down at him determinedly, and made a small incision in his left palm. He looked up at her with surprise in his eyes.

"You are whole," she said softly, then made an incision on her left palm. "By the blood of our combined blood, we are bound for eternity," she said looking into his eyes. She didn't notice the Director and Agent unbound by a twitch of his finger "By my blood alone I heal you, Severus Tobias Snape."

"What the fu-"

"Impressionable ears," Agent Coulson elbowed the Director. "Sorry sir."

"What the hell just happened," Director Fury hissed.

"Magic," the agent answered. "Sir," he added quickly.

"You don't say," the Director said sarcastically.

"You infuriating, know-it-all, annoying..." he paused, " _little girl_ ," the professor hissed. Hermione rolled her eyes. "What are you doing?" He asked, a little panicky as she curled into his chest.

"So tired," she yawned.

"You don't get to sleep!" He raised his voice. "You will not let her sleep!" He ordered the two men. The Director raised an eyebrow in challenge. "If she sleeps we can both die, and since you two were in the room when she cast the spell, you are witnesses. Which means that if we die then you failed on your part to help her find my body, and then we all die."

That alarmed everyone.

"It was supposed to just bind us," Hermione said. "Look!" She ordered, holding the book open to the page. He turned a few pages.

"Look," he mocked. She gasped in horror. "You've _always_ messed with things you don't understand you imbecilic child!" He hissed, grabbing the book from her to hit her over the head with it, but it fell through him and he growled at her with a glare.

"Get your elbow out of my ribs, they're-" his eyes wider. "I'm healed?" He asked.

"Why do you have broken ribs?" Hermione asked. "You only had the snake injuries."

"I'm being tortured," he murmured, looking up at the ceiling blankly.

"Where is your body, Professor," she asked urgently. He faded a little and that alarmed her more. "Tell me now!" She ordered.

"It's dark," he said. "Cement floor, dirt, tin ceiling, large beams...Warehouse."

"Why are our phones not working?" The Director growled.

"Technology and magic don't mix well," the Professor answered. "There's a lorry," he continued. "Unmarked company," he said, and mumbled the license plate.

"Got that Coulson?" The Director asked. He nodded and flipped his pad closed. "Get this straight Dagworth-Granger, whoever you are," he growled. "My life isn't something a little witchling like you gets to play with. If I die I'll make sure to make your afterlife a living hell," he promised.

"You don't get to threaten her," the Professor growled. "It's not her fault she never had an appropriate Defence Against the Dark Arts instructor. I know your kind," he said glaring at the man. "We're cut from the same cloth, you and me. You couldn't help wanting to know why one of your newest agents seemed to blend in so seamlessly from the start. Don't blame your curiosity on her."

The two men attempted to stare each other down.

"Do I get to say how I feel about dying?" Phil asked.

"No," the two men said simultaneously, which started another death glare competition.

"Of course," Hermione said. Glaring at the two men in turn.

"I think it would be an honourable death," Phil said quietly. "Helping your son reunite with his father."

"Don't go getting all sentimental on me, Coulson," Director Fury growled with Severus grunting in reluctant agreement.

The sound of a low cracked disturbed them, and Hermione's gasp alerted them to what happened.

"They're breaking you," she whispered, pale.

"Find me," the Professor ordered. "Now!" He snapped at them. "You foolish girl," he mumbled into Hermione's hair.

"It's a foreign license plate," Agent Coulson said hurriedly, gathering that from the Professor's description of it and the number.

"We need to use our phones," Director Fury growled.

"I can't heal her-," the Professor said.

"Because they're your injuries," Hermione finished.

"Phones!" The Director said impatiently. He and his agent jumped when the fire turned green.

"Hermione," they green eyed teen said cautiously as he stepped out, taking in the scene. She carefully moved off the one of the three men. "Snape!" He said in surprise.

"Surprise," he said with a smirk. Harry grabbed onto the back of an armchair to steady himself from the surprise.

"You're alive," he muttered.

"Not quite, Potter," Professor Snape said. "Miss Granger here got the wise idea to bind her soul to mine a few minutes ago," he said unpleasantly. Harry wanted to glare. "Unfortunately for us both and our son, it ties her lifespan to mine," he continued, ignoring the teen's inner struggle. "I'm dying right now," he said, looking at the boy.

"Why, Hermione?" Harry asked with tears. "That was utterly stupid. You know how I feel about growing up without parents. How could you to this to Caelum?" He asked.

"I thought it might heal Professor Snape enough to return his soul to his body," Hermione said with tears.

"Don't," the man said with a grimace. "Call me Severus, but not Professor. I can't deal with that."

"Can you let us use our damn phones so we can find your bastard of a soulmate, Dagworth!" The Director yelled.

"Impressionable ears!" Hermione glared at the man. "Don't make me use langlock on you again," she threatened.

"Those two will need your help, Potter," Severus said. "I think you only have three days to find me and help your friend," he said contemplatively. Harry hurried to take down the wards on the entrance door and escort the men out.

"Did you really have to lie and scare those two like that?" Hermione glared down at her former Professor.

"Incentive," Severus Snape smirked. "I won't have my son an orphan," he glared at her.

"Now explain to me why you would think I would want to use my son to use you," she demanded with a harsh glare. She had the pleasure to see the stoic man look highly uncomfortable as he mumbled.

"What?" She asked.

"Maybe because I'm the richest wizard in our world," he hissed as he helped her stand. She swooned in surprise. "But I was highly mistaken about your motives," he said with a little shame showing on his face.

"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered. "What I did today was terribly foolish," she said, slowly backing away with more tears filling her eyes. "Terribly foolish," she whispered as she leaned on the wall for support. He could see her closing herself off to him and felt angry.

"You don't get to do that," he hissed, pulling her away from the wall and swooping her up. "It _was_ foolish as you say," she flinched, but he ignored that, "but in doing that you made yourself _mine_ ," his grin was sinister, and she should have been terrified, but the shiver that ran down her back was from the pleasure of belonging to someone that would appreciate her talents, she was sure.

"And I take care of my things, Hermione," he promised.

O.o.o.O.o.o.O

"We should use our resources at the office," Agent Coulson said as they walked into the nearest town.

"You heard what she said," Director Fury growled. "We have unknown enemies that have infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. We can't risk something like this to them," he murmured so low that Phil had to struggle to hear.

"Then how are we possibly-" Phil started.

"We're going to see a man of iron," the Director interjected.

"It'll take us days to get to him," Phil pointed out.

"Um, hello there!" Harry brought attention back to himself. "Yeah, wizard right here, and I can have you there in seconds." The two men stopped and looked at the teen, the oldest sizing him up and the other gratefully. Harry stared back at the older man just as hard as he was being stared at.

"You'll do," Fury said finally.

"Great," Harry said brightly. "Now," if you're done killing time my sister doesn't have," he said more seriously with a glare, "you should tell me how to get there and do your best not to be tracked."

They reluctantly started taking their batteries out of their phones.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked as he opened the gate to Hermione's backyard. "I hope you know those will be useless. Magic completely fried them."

"Then magic will have fried any other electronic trackers that may have been placed on us," the Director growled. "We're good to go."

"I need the coordinates to apparate us," Harry said. The Director growled while Phil flipped open his notepad and read them. "Hang on tight then," he said offering his arms and disapparating. "And try not to get sick," he said as they apparated into a posh living area.

"What the hell?" Harry turned and looked at the man who had been relaxing behind them with a tumbler.

"Thanks for the warning kid," Director Fury glared as he bent over and tried not to be sick all over Tony Stark's carpet. Then again, maybe he should get sick up on it.

"Harry Potter," he greeted. "These two and me need you to find someone, but we can't use the resources from something called shield because they're compromised."

"S.H.I.E.L.D.'s compromised?" The man asked Harry's acquaintances. Phil nodded while Director Fury mumbled angrily. He sat back in shock. "Wow," he said. "That was Fury's baby. It's like raising a teen and then the kid goes and kicks you in the balls." Fury glared.

"Enough Stark," he barked. The Director snatched Phil's notepad from one of the man's pockets and handed a paper to Stark. "We need to track this truck to find someone important, asap," he ordered as he sat and drank the contents of Stark's tumbler.

"Uh, yeah," Harry glared at the man. "You're in this as deep as my sister so you're doing your part too," he waved his wand and the couch kicked the older man off its cushions. Stark laughed and slapped his back.

"You're my new best friend kid, Tony Stark," he introduced himself and Harry shook his hand.

"You look familiar," Harry said.

"I'm famous, how can you not know me?" Tony exclaimed.

"Well we don't exactly keep up with muggle celebrities in the wizarding world," Harry said with a shrug, ignoring the man's mouth when it dropped open.

"He's a wizard," Tony mumbled in a daze. "I suppose your sister's a witch now," he said a little too sarcastically.

"Yes," Harry said with narrowed eyes. "We're wasting precious time here folks," Harry said, getting mad. "There are lives at stake, and I'll kill you all myself if my sister dies," he promised darkly, his magic unconsciously darkening his aura making him seem more forbidding.

"I think you're now my new best nightmare so I'll take that," Tony snatched the paper from Fury, "and go busy myself with finding your sibling."

"Brilliant," Phil laughed. "I've never seen him evacuate a room so quickly, without much of his egotistic attitude showing. You're my new hero Potter."

"You'll have to get in line with everyone else," Harry muttered. "I've had enough of hero worship to last me a million lifetimes."

"Hey Jarvis," Phil called.

"What can I do for you, Agent Coulson," the male automated voice asked. Harry jumped in surprise.

"Would you please contact the rest of the Avengers, scramble their messages so they can't be traced read after the first time. Tell them to meet us here and to do their best not to be tracked please," Phil asked.

"Messages have been sent, Agent Coulson," Jarvis said.

"Please, call me Phil," the man said.

"I've been informed that your first name is Agent, Agent Coulson," Jarvis said with a little humour. Phil rolled his eyes

"Well, it's Phil," he said.

"Yes sir, Agent Phil," Jarvis said, while Harry laughed. "May I ask who you are, sir?" Jarvis asked, letting a hologram pop up with Harry looking at himself in real time.

"I'm Harry," he answered. "Harry Potter, sir."

"British," Jarvis said. "Southern English dialect. Malnourished," he spoke in fragments. "There's a health shake prepared for you in the kitchen area," Jarvis said. "Go drink it please," he ordered.

"Um, sure," Harry said hesitantly. "Hey Jarvis," Harry said quietly while alone in the kitchen.

"Yes sir," he answered.

"What are the Avengers?" Harry asked curiously.

"Superheroes for S.H.I.E.L.D, sir."

"What is Shield?" He asked.

"A top secret government organization, sir," the voice answered.

"Oi, I understand top secret," Harry murmured. "My world is supposed to be hidden from muggles."

"What are muggles?" Jarvis asked.

"Non-magical humans," Harry answered.

"What is your world called, sir?"

"It's simply the wizarding world to us magic folk," he said softly. "It's been my home since I was eleven. It's like walking into the Victorian era, even the people's mannerisms are strict."

"It sounds archaic, sir," Jarvis said. Harry laughed.

"I didn't realise I was saying that aloud," he said. "But yes, it can be very archaic. You're an electronic aren't you?" He asked.

"Technically I can be considered as such," Jarvis said.

"Why didn't my apparition fry you then?" Harry asked.

"Mister Stark has my main circuits well protected," Jarvis answered.

"Odd," Harry said. "Even the best protections against electronics don't stand up to magic."

"It might be because Jarvis's main system is stored under us," Tony said. "Ten feet under the house. I noticed you fried my television."

"Sorry about that," Harry said, "I really didn't mean to. I thought the coordinates I was given would be outside your home, not in."

"I'll bill it to S.H.I.E.L.D then," Tony smirked. "Anyway, the rest of the teams here, kid."

"I'm seventeen actually," Harry said, a bit irritated at being called kid again.

"Hey! You're almost legal," Tony said.

"I am legal in my world," Harry informed him.

"I don't think your own little world counts against the real world kid," a woman with red hair said.

"He's talking about the wizarding world," Tony said. "Is that only in England?" He asked.

"Sure," Harry answered. They all recognised the deflection. So that meant the wizarding world was bigger than they all thought.

"I'm Natasha," the woman introduced herself. "I think you know Tony," she went on introducing the rest.

"So what up, Director Fury?" Steve asked.

"You're going-" he started.

"We're _all_ going," Harry interrupted with a glare at the man. The Director glared back, but Harry's magic started leaking again.

" _We're_ ," he emphasised, "all going on a rescue mission."

"And will I finally learn who we're rescuing?" Tony asked. "Or do we guess and rescue the bad guys instead?" He asked sarcastically.

"His name is Severus Snape," Harry said, pulling out a picture from nowhere and handing it to the person closest to him. "He's most likely in a coma so he can't walk out on his own."

"He is also being tortured," Phil said.

"Woah, hold on there," Tony said. "An _unconscious_ guy with a weird name is being tortured?"

"Modus Operandi for who I suspect has him," Harry said.

"I've met worse sickos than that," Natasha shrugged. Harry only nodded in agreement.

"Alright, now where are we headed Stark?" Fury asked.

"An abandoned warehouse a few miles away from a little town in England called Ottery-"

"St. Catchpole," Harry breathed.

"How did you know?" Tony asked. Harry struggled to digest the information.

"The Weasley family lives in the town," he said breathlessly. "They're my second family." Steve put a hand on his shoulder sympathetically.

"Until we can confirm otherwise, all members of the Weasley family will be suspected of kidnapping Severus Snape," the captain said.

"Then that would have to include Luna Lovegood and her father Xenophilius," Harry said.

"It'll take us three days to do some reconnaissance, and come up with a rescue plan," Natasha said.

"We don't have three days," Director Fury barked. "We'll have to go in blind."

"Are you crazy?" The red head hissed. "Do you want us to get killed?"

"We don't have a choice," Fury said. "Mister Snape only has three days before he is permanently put out of commission," he said pointedly.

"So how are we getting there?" Clint asked. "I'm assuming we can't use S.H.I.E.L.D resources since we were told not to be tracked by them."

"I was hoping Stark would be _willing_ to lend us a jet," the Director said pointedly.

"No need," Harry said. "We'll floo to my home in London, and take the Knight Bus from there. You'll have to blend in though, but that's easy to manage."

"Er, I don't think I want to get sick before an important mission," Clint said. "Messes with the calibration and all." Harry looked confused before he laughed.

"I don't mean the flu virus," Harry said. "I meant floo, as in a means of transportation." He grabbed a large cushion off the sofa and it glowed blue after he pointed his wand at it. "We'll take this to my sister's house and floo to mine from there."

"Don't you think you should ask before giving away _my_ five-hundred-dollar pillow," Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You'll be getting your pillow back Mister Stark," Harry smirked. "We're just taking it for a little ride. Everyone touch it quickly now," he ordered. The group looked at one another hesitantly before doing as he asked. It glowed blue before they all twisted and turned every which way for a few long seconds.

"What did I say about warnings, kid?" Director Fury asked from his position on Hermione's living room carpet.

"Thank you," Harry answered cheekily. Tony barked out a laugh. "We should get going before we wake up the baby."

"What baby?" Steve asked.

"My sister's," Harry answered. "And believe me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of her wand."

"Is no one else freaking out about our means of transportation?" Clint asked as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Yeah," Natasha said. "Can we do it again?" She asked, trying not to sound too eager.

"Can't do too many unregistered portkeys in one day," Harry said. "Now come on, Time's a wasting and I believe we have approximately 89 hours left to rescue Snape."

"That's Mister Snape to you, Mister Potter," Severus snarked. "Now quiet please! Caelum has just fallen asleep and your best friend has broken another rib." Mostly everyone looked at him dumbly and he held the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"Long explanation short," Severus began. "My body is being kept unconscious. I'm an apparition. I'm soul bound to Mister Potter's friend. Our lives are now so intertwined that I'm dying so she is too. I'm being tortured so she is being tortured too. So will everyone just hurry up do something because my son is this close to being an orphan!" He hissed.

"What are you doing?" He asked as the red head's arm went through him.

"I think I've seen everything now," she said to the Director. "How about the asylum after this adventure?"

"I think," Tony paused. "I think this is friggin awesome!" He turned to Harry. "You'll have to tell me more about the wizarding world," he demanded.

"I would show you some of it if _everyone would just get to the floo_!" Harry hissed at the group.

"We would," Steve said, "but we have no idea where this floo is."

"Er, right," Harry said. "Sorry 'bout that." Professor Snape snorted.

"Nice going, Potter," he said with a smirk.

"Please line up over here at the fireplace," Harry instructed. "Grab a handful of this powder," he pointed to Hermione's antique floo powder box. "Toss it into the fire and clearly say Number 12 Grimmauld Place." Everyone stood still.

"Bunch of babies," Natasha muttered loudly. She pushed her way to the front and threw the powder into the orange flames turned green flames and said as instructed before being sucked away into the floo system.

"What-" Steve started.

"In-" Clint continued.

"The-" Tony managed to say pointing at the orange flames with green licking the tops.

"Fucking-" Director Fury stared wide eyed at the hearth.

"Hell," Agent Coulson finished.

"Brilliant," Professor Snape clapped sarcastically. "Now that you've rehearsed your lines, how about saving some lives," he suggested.

One by one the men flooed into Harry's home before he finally did.

"What the hell is going on Harry?" The blond asked, holding his wand at the group threateningly.

"Sorry Draco," Harry said with a slight blush. "I didn't think to warn everyone about this group coming over."

"A warning would have been nice," Lucius Malfoy snarked. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Well, I have some good new, and some might be bad," Harry said.

"What could possibly be good new after learning about..." Narcissa drifted off, trying to wipe her eyes of the tears.

"Professor Snape is alive," Harry said. He ignored the elder Malfoy's burning glare. "His soul is still tied to this plane," he explained, "but it's connected to 'Mione's and he's dying."

"He's connected to the-" Lucius started.

"Yes he's connected to my _sister's_ soul," Harry said pointedly.

"I was going to say the Gryffindor Princess," Lucius glared, and Harry blushed.

"Sorry," he said. "We must be going though. We have a Potion's Master to rescue."

"I'm going," Draco said quickly.

"No," Lucius objected.

"I'm going," He said determinedly. "That's my Godfather out there and we know he still has a chance at living and I'm going to fight for it," Draco said. "And you can't stop me because you're under house arrest." He couldn't help but poke at his parent's open wounds.

"Auror Potter, let me help," Lucius said a little frantically.

"You know I don't have that authority," Harry said apologetically as Draco helped the group blend by transfiguring their outfits.

"He's my brother," Lucius said pleadingly. "I have to help. Why are you even letting those _muggles_ help and not me? I have magic." Harry sighed.

"Director Fury and I were in the room when Agent Dagworth performed whatever magic she did," Phil explained. "Severus Snape said that Director Fury and me were caught up in it too, we have to find him so that we don't die too."

Lucius lifted his eyebrow and looked down at his wife, trying to hide his amused expression. Severus really was full of it, they silently agreed with amusement dancing in their eyes. Lucius reluctantly sat down next to his wife as they watched the group.

"I hope Severus is happy with himself," Narcissa murmured with a slight smile she hid behind her teacup. Lucius did his best not to snort in amusement and his wife noticed.

"One last hurrah," he breathed.

"With Mister Potter?" Narcissa asked. "Not likely. We can count on him to save Severus."

"Let us hope he's still a lucky bast-" Lucius hissed at his wife's pinch to his thigh.

O.o.o.O.o.o.O

"Come here...Severus" Hermione said his name a little shyly. "I want to try something."

"You're," he cleared his throat and tried not to look. "You're bust with Caelum." He blushed at his slip and Hermione lightly laughed.

"It's...It's fine," she said softly. "He's finished already anyway," she said. Severus turned to find his son had just finished feeding. Hermione had him over her shoulder with a burp cloth at the ready. "I want you to hold him," Hermione said softly. He glared.

"You know I can't touch anything but you," Severus said, trying not to bristle at her thoughtlessness.

"But we've just found out that you can touch things when I hold onto them," she pointed out. "I want you to know how it feels to have him in your arms," she said with teary eyes.

'What about when this fails?' He wanted to snipe at her. 'What about my feelings then?' But like everything else, he found he could hardly refuse the mother of his child anything.

"Let me see him then," Severus said softly. Hermione kept her finger inside his tiny palm while Severus held him. She heard his breath hitch at the bundle in his arms. "He's so small," he whispered, and ran one of his long fingers down the babe's soft cheek. "He has that baby smell," he said with a small smile as he leaned in closer to lay a kiss on the child's forehead.

"He's powerful," Severus breathed. "I'm not fully here, but I can _feel_ his magic reaching out to me."

"I thought it was that way with all babies," Hermione said. Severus shook his head.

"I've held a few infants, and not one of them were born with this much magic," he said. "We must protect him," he said. "His magical training will have to start very early."

"We will," Hermione smiled, catching his eyes. "That would be an adventure in itself, I think," she said with a light in her eyes. "Severus and Hermione's training adventures. I'll have to keep a journal for Caelum to laugh at us when he's older."

"Y-you would want to do that with me?" He hated how timid that sounded, but he needed to know.

"Of course," Hermione said. "When we have you whole again, I expect you to be here every minute of the day that you're willing to spare for us. You can claim the spare room as yours, and set up your lab in the cellar," she said. "If you want to that is," she added shyly.

"You would be okay with me being that close to you two?" He asked nearly unbelievingly. She was quiet for a long pause, and he nearly faded away from the shame of opening himself so much.

"Why did you leave yourself so open to me?" She asked. "At that time. She was attacking my mind," Hermione explained. "I don't know how I kept her from finding out about the horcruxes. I could have easily given you away after you left."

"I think I wanted someone who wouldn't be quick to judge me to know," Severus said. "So I acted on impulse. I don't think I cared at that point, if I was caught or not. I knew even then that I was going to die."

"I didn't doubt until I was warm before I was cold," Hermione said. "That was out of character from the Professor I grew up with. You were very harsh with us," he flinched, "but not that harsh. It wasn't until you had me look up at you that I knew for sure." She looked at him. "You are innocent," she whispered.

"How can you say that?" He asked harshly. "I was a Death Eater before joining with the Order. I performed unmentionable acts-"

"But you acted to correct those acts till the end of the war," Hermione said. "It may not have started out that way, but it ended that way. You fought tooth and nail to redeem yourself, to keep Harry safe, to make sure we all had a chance to sleep safely in our beds."

"How can you even stand looking at me?" He asked harshly.

"Because you didn't act upon my person maliciously. You acted out of need, you kept me safe in that way. I heard Bellatrix considering G-Greyback instead," she slightly whimpered, and Severus held her. "But you saved me from a worse fate." She felt him stiffen.

"I'm...being called," he said. "I'm trying wake up."

"Come back to us whole, Severus," Hermione said softly. Severus smiled at them before fading completely.

O.o.o.O.o.o.O

"What kind of imbeciles are you?" Lucius hissed at his son and Potter. "Those twits meant to kill him but only managed to separate his soul. It obvious!" Lucius pulled out his wand and performed a complicated spell. He wavered slightly, but felt Narcissa place a steadying hand on his shoulder to lend him some of her magic. Severus finally groaned and opened his eyes.

"What did you do?" He asked, holding his head.

"Well if you hadn't fought against the spell so much you wouldn't have a migraine at all," Lucius hissed.

"I was talking to..." he drifted off. "Agent Dagworth," he laughed aloud. "Where the hell did she come up with that?" Severus asked.

"It was her mother's maiden name," Harry answered.

"Dagworth is a very old name," Lucius mused.

"There's no relation to Dagworth-Granger," Harry said. "She told Slughorn as much."

"One can never know for sure Potter," Severus said. "Not our world at least." He sighed. "I suppose I owe-"

"No," Harry said firmly. "You owe none of us anything. You are free to spend your new life without any strings attaching you to anyone except Caelum."

"Am I free to leave then?" Severus asked. "I want to go back to-Caelum." Lucius laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder.

"I suspect you want to get back to your soul bonded mate too," he teased. "As you should, too."

"Lucius is correct," Narcissa said. "You shouldn't go more than a few hours away from each other. The bond is too new for that. It could be painful," she explained.

"Do I at least get to hear what happened to me first?" Severus asked.

"We should get you back to your family before delving into that," Harry said quietly. "I'm sure Draco can explain everything to his parents."

"As much as I would like to stick around for the after party," Tony said, coming into the sitting room from the kitchen with a glass of Irish wiskey. "I have other business to attend to, and since I'm in London, I should get to it." He said his goodbyes.

"How much do you want to bet he's going clubbing?" Natasha as Clint and Steve. "Hey, do we get to floo back?" She asked Harry. He laughed and nodded.

"This is going to hurt," Severus muttered, moving carefully so as not to upset his broken ribs.

"We should heal those," Narcissa said.

"No," Severus said. "I should be healed at Hermione's to make sure she's not taken by surprise while carrying Caelum, or walking down the stairs." Harry readily agreed.

"I suppose Agent Coulson and me can floo together to support you," Harry said.

"It might be better if I did," Steve said. "The two of us have better balance."

"That's silly," Narcissa rolled her eyes. "All you need to do is use the medic transportation spell while flooing and Severus never need worry about further injury."

"I didn't know there was a spell for that," Harry said. "Can you do it?" He asked her. Narcissa nodded and look at Severus who rolled his eyes and laid still for her.

"There," she said satisfactorily. "Just levitate him carefully now," she instructed apprehensively. "Perhaps I should transport him since I know the method better." Severus looked up at her gratefully.

"I think we'll-" Harry started but startled at the Professor's growl. "Fine," he tried not to laugh.

Natasha rushed to be the first to floo back and ended up in the same place and looked confused. "How do we get back?" She asked.

"This time you'll say, 'Dagworth Cottage, Vermont'" Harry said.

"Is that a recent acquisition?" Lucius asked.

"Not really," Harry answered as they watch the others floo back. "She inherited it from her grandparents a few years back." Lucius looked down and shared a look with Severus.

"Vermont?" Narcissa asked.

"Yes," Harry nodded. "It's being secret kept because of her job though," he informed them. Narcissa gave him a long look before flooing with Severus.

"Your house arrest extends to Hermione's," He told Lucius before flooing away with a slight smile.

"Where should I lay Severus?" Narcissa asked.

"Over here!" Hermione called at the top of the stairs. "If it's alright, I want to share with him for a little while," she said to Narcissa when they met at the top.

"You should not be out of bed young lady," Narcissa admonished her. "But I'll place him with you," she whispered with a wink and a smile and helped her settle again before levitating Severus into the spot beside her. "I'm going to heal Severus first-"

"No," Severus said. "Try Hermione first, I can wait." Narcissa nodded. This time Hermione's ribs mended and healed easily, then turned to heal Severus.

"Everyone's gone?" Hermione asked Harry when he came in to check on her.

"Besides your Director Fury and Agent Coulson," he answered.

"So tell us what happened," Hermione said just as Caelum started to cry in the nursery.

"Oh! Let me!" Narcissa rushed toward the sound while Hermione smiled.

"The people who stole Snape- Professor Snape," Harry corrected himself when Hermione glared. "It was Ronald and Ginerva," he said quickly. "I never would have suspected them," He looked as though he wanted to cry, while Hermione wanted to hit something.

"How did they even find him?" Hermione hissed.

"None of us were paying particular attention to Ronald," Harry said solemnly. "He went against my wishes to leave Dumbledore's pensieve because Professor Snape deserved that at least...he saw everything."

"Even..." Hermione could feel the breath rush out of her body, leaving her breathless. Harry nodded.

"He went back for you," he said, looking at the Professor. "He blamed you for Hermione never wanting to get with him."

"That selfish chit!" Hermione hissed. "It's his own fault I never considered a relationship with him beyond friendship. The things he said to me in private," her voice broke.

"What did he say?" Severus and Harry demanded.

"H-he said that I should just give it up to him because no one would ever want a plain know-it-all bookworm," she repeated nearly verbatim.

"I'm glad I broke that arse's face in," Draco hissed. Lucius looked at his son proudly.

"He and his sister are losing their orders of Merlin," Harry said. "Kingsley ordered Ronald to pay back every sickle of the reward money for his first class reward, and they're both facing at least seventy-five years in Azkaban for the attempted murder of a renowned war hero who was already mortally injured to begin with."

"I doubt _Ronald_ ," Hermione couldn't help but sneer, "Can pay back every sickly he's spent."

"I know," Harry tried not to smirk. "He'll have to though or he'll have to serve an extra week for every sickle they don't get back, and the Wizengamot is even thinking of sharing the love between siblings if the weeks add up too much since he claimed to have bought gifts to spoil his dear little sister."

"I guess this is one of those rare times where we can safely say that justice has been rightly served," Lucius said.

O.o.o.O.o.o.O

" _Fury I need your help_ ," Tony said frantically.

"Well, well, well," Fury smirked. "Who would have thought that Tony _Stark_ would need _my_ help one day."

" _Can you just shut up_!" Tony snarled. " _I've done countless favours for you and your precious S.H.I.E.L.D so I believe it's time you pay me back one_!"

"Fine," Fury grumbled. "What is it you need, and if it's going to be murder count me out I don't want to have to testify against you in court."

There was a long pause.

"You actually want me to _murder_ someone!" Fury hissed quietly, and looked around to see who would be listening in.

" _No_!" Tony denied. " _There has been a murder though. Double...might be triple_..."

"What the hell have you gotten yourself into Stark!" Fury asked, banging his fist into the table and scaring Coulson. Phil zipped his lips with an invisible zipper and Fury rolled his eyes. "Just tell me where so I can see what kind of clean up you'll need," Fury held his head in his palm.

" _I didn't do it_!" Tony exclaimed, " _but it's nice to know you have my back buddy. I mean, if I do happen to commit murder in the future you'll be first on my list to help me cover it up_."

"Just shut up and tell me what you need!" Fury yelled.

" _I need your help finding my daughter_ ," Tony said after another pause.

" _You_ have a daughter!" Fury shouted in disbelief. "God help us all if there's a female version of Anthony Stark walking around out there."

" _Well that's a big if_ ," Tony said. " _So will you..._ " Fury could hear him trying to choke out the next word, " _p-_ please _help me find her? She might have been the third_ ," he said quietly.

"What's her name?" Fury asked. "I'll put my best agents on the case. I'll even make sure they're not enemies."

" _You have to do that anyway_ ," Tony rolled his eyes. " _And her name's Hermione Jane Granger_."

The Director nearly growled before it hit him...not once during the whole day did anyone mention Agent Dagworth's real name in front of Stark, and he was out chasing the Weasley girl during her brother's little hate speech.

"I think I might have a lead," Fury leaned back and smirked openly.

" _Really_?" Tony perked up. " _Where_?"

"Oh…a nice little home called Dagworth Cottage, Vermont," he said.

" _Her mom's maiden name was Dagworth_!" Tony said excitedly. " _Wait...Dagworth...As in... Agent Dagworth_?" Fury's smirk turned into a twisted smile. " _Are you telling me_ my _baby girl might be the Agent who soul bonded herself to a man twice her age and they have a baby_!?" Tony yelled.

"Welcome to parenthood grandpa," Fury laughed before hanging up.

Scotland Yard in London had a hard time making sense of Anthony Starks mumbling...but he was a genius, so maybe it was just some complicated maths formula that had him in a snit.

* * *

 _So the first 725 words...I kind of woke up crying because I actually dreamt that...it was weird because I've never had a dream about fictional characters till the other night...then I kind of twisted it into this crossover..._

 _I hope I did these two universes justice...hopefully...thanks for reading though...I hope you all enjoyed! (^.^)_


	2. Tony's Family

_This was something I couldn't get out of my head and I just had to add to this to my short story. I swear my mother was looking into Sanitoriums while I giggled and typed this out._

 _Hope you all have as much fun reading as I did writing this!_

 _Oh…I uh, don't really own anything but the plot._

 _I have to warn that this chapter is too suggestive...Heed the M rating!_

* * *

v.V.v

* * *

 _Nursery Time_

"Hello, Grandpa," Severus said silkily while Caelum burped over his shoulder and yawned.

"Who are you calling grandpa?" Tony asked. "You're like two years older than me!"

"Well," Severus drawled, "you are my son's grandfather," he pointed out needlessly.

"GAH! Don't do that!" Tony yelled. "I think I sprained my brain! Fury! Fury! Where's the hammer? I need that mental image of my daughter and this big black bat out of my head!" He yelled and Severus smirked at him while Tony rubbed at his eyes furiously with his palms.

"What is all this yelling?" Hermione hissed at them.

"Make it go away!" Tony continued. "I can't _not_ see my baby girl with that old fart!"

"Then don't," Hermione said easily. "It's your fault you let Severus get to you again."

"I can easily take the mental images away," Severus offered with a wider smirk.

"Severus," Hermione warned.

"No, no," Fury said as he entered Caelum's nursery. "Let Severus do it," he chucked mischievously. "It made my day to see Stark pecking at the President like a chicken."

"The restraining order it earned Tony wasn't so funny," Hermione retorted.

"It was worth it," Severus replied. Hermione glared at him to shut up and he simply shrugged and continued patting Caelum's back. The poor baby was used to all the noise his grandfather created when he showed up.

"Why can't you rein in your husband?" Tony asked Hermione.

She glared.

"Severus is his own person," she snapped at him. "I wouldn't change him for anything."

Severus smirked at Tony and leaned down to kiss the corner of Hermione lips while staring straight at his father-in-law.

"GAH!" Tony yelled again. "Why do I have to see my daughter defiled?" He yelled.

"You don't," Hermione shrugged. "If you didn't provoke Severus so much, he would tire and stop teasing you, Tony."

"Tony, Tony, Tony," he muttered. "Why can't you call me dad, or papa, or I don't know father?" He asked.

"I think you upset your paternal sperm donor," Severus drawled.

"No!" Tony yelled, shaking his head, and then banging it on the doorframe. "You do not get to talk about my sperm to my daughter!" He yelled. "That's just wrong, wrong, wrong!"

"I love being here on Mondays," Fury said, recording Tony with his mobile.

"Maybe you should act more like a dad than some playboy coming to visit after his weekend shag," Hermione said snidely. "Do you know what kind of example you are setting for your grandson?" She asked. "I _let_ Severus tease you so much because you deserve it."

Severus placed Caelum in his cot and pushed Tony out of the nursery.

"It's time for you to be leaving now," he said. "I need alone time with my wife."

Tony's eyes grew wider and his face redder.

"No!" He screamed, diving for Hermione. "I do not need those images again! I was just getting it out of my head! She wants to spend time with me!"

Hermione fought him off and moved toward Severus.

"I want time with my husband," Hermione said, stroking Severus arm.

"We're thinking of having a girl next," Severus drawled.

"GAH!" Tony screamed and grabbed Hermione's arm, pulling her toward the entrance hall. "No more grandchildren!" He yelled. Suddenly he was in his red suit and flying through the air with Hermione screaming in his ear.

"Well, she did want time with her paternal sperm donor," Severus shrugged while Fury laughed and sent off his video.

 _Shopping Time_

"Herms! Herms, look at this!" Tony called for Hermione, not noticing the sharp glare she sent his way. She slowly walked up behind him and looked at the image he scrolled through in front of him.

"I don't think your daughter likes that nickname much," Jarvis warned.

Tony ignored him while Hermione looked at the massaging chair he came across while searching for a rocking chair for Caelum's nursery. Then she looked down at the bottom of the screen, showing his browsing history.

"That chair is hardly useable in the nursery," she commented. "Though I _can_ think of another use for it," she said blithely.

"Oh. It would be great in your office," Tony agreed and added it to his already vast cart.

"I was thinking of using the chair in mine and Severus's bedroom," Hermione said with a smirk while Severus came to stand beside her while Tony stared at the massage chair in shock. "Just think," she said to Severus smoothly, "Sitting in that with me in your lap…and this," she purred suggestively and opened up the link to one of the other products.

"GAH!" Tony screamed, jumping up from his seat on the sofa. "Fury! Where's the hammer! I want that hammer now!"

Hermione and Severus laughed while he ran around the room rubbing at his eyes.

He really shouldn't have called her Herms.

"I have no idea why he thought a dildo would even be a useful for the nursery," Fury laughed.

"I wonder what he'll say when we tell him the news," Hermione murmured.

 _Dinner Time_

"Hey, Hermione," Natasha said, air kissing each of her cheeks.

"Natasha," Hermione smiled. "How was France?"

"Wonderful this time of year," she answered.

"Hectic this time of year," Steve retorted.

"Was that where we were?" Thor asked.

"It was where you all were," Hermione confirmed.

"It did seem like a nice little village," Thor commented.

Tony rolled his eyes. Never had he heard anyone call Paris, France a nice little village.

"It was nice in the seventeenth century," Severus offered.

"Oh, yes," Hermione tried. "The guillotine age," she said uncertainly.

Severus rolled his eyes this time.

"I was thinking of Nicolas Coustou's La Seine at la Marne, or," he said with a smirk, "Charles de La Fosse's Bacchus and Ariadne."

"No!" Tony yelled at them. "No, no, no, no, no! I will not think of my little girl naked!"

"I don't want you to think of me naked either," Hermione grimaced. "You're my _father_."

Tony looked up at her in surprise.

"That's the first time you called him your father instead of a paternal sperm donor," Severus drawled.

"AH!" Tony yelled. "No talking about my sperm! I'd rather hear that from Pepper, or maybe Natasha but she'd more likely kill me rather than talk about... _that_!"

"I would," Natasha agreed with her own grimace.

"See!" Tony exclaimed while pointing at Natasha. "No sperm talk! Especially from you!" He said, jabbing his finger at Severus

"Pity," Severus murmured. "We planned on bringing the sperm talk back to me."

"GAH!" Tony yelled. "Fury! Where's the hammer! I need that hammer now!"

Thor looked up at him in confusion and placed his mead glass down.

"We're pregnant!" Hermione exclaimed happily.

"You are!" Natasha clapped twice and pulled Hermione into a hug.

"It's a girl!" Hermione said happily. "Severus and I _had_ been trying for the past two months."

"HAMMER!" Tony yelled. "Hit me over the head right now! NOW!"

Suddenly he was on the ground, looking up at the ceiling with stars and black spots dancing in his eyes.

"Were you trying to kill me?" He asked.

"You wanted a hammer to hit you over the head," Thor said with slight confusion. "I simply did as you requested."

"Yeah, uh, next time ignore me," Tony said while flinching at the loud laughter around him.

He could have sworn he saw Natasha slapping a few bills into Hermione's hand.

"Dinner's ready," Pepper called from the kitchen. "Aw! You told him without me?" She asked Hermione while Tony glared up at her.

Fury added the video to his YouTube collection.

* * *

v.V.v

* * *

 _I don't think I'll be adding anything else to the story now that I got that out of my head…but I hope this gave someone a laugh! Have a good day now!_

 _(^.^)_


End file.
